His Victory Over Me

Self-righteousness is a struggle for me. An interview goes well or someone goes out of their way to bless me and I immediately have to resist thoughts that betray a belief that these things happen because I deserve them, rather than the truth that our God in his goodness bestows favor where it is not deserved. This is not a denial that work ethic is reflected in reviews. If you work hard, you will likely earn the favor of your boss, which will likely open additional opportunities either now or in the future; but have you ever considered the things in your life that have built your work ethic, character, compassion, inspiration etc? I am tempted daily to claim these things for myself but the reality is that I have not been the author of any of them. They are in my life through grace and by design. My work ethic is the result of a desperate battle with dyslexia that my loving Father determined to bless me with. In all the tears I cried as a child, never was I aware of how such a battle was shaping my character. All good things in me and my life are the result of one of three things: the work of the Holy Spirit, gifts from the Father, or circumstances determined by the Father. The days I live in awareness of this are covered in thankfulness and contentment. But there are days when I choose to live out of an opposite belief that I am deserving of such goodness. These days are characterized by an ugly battle between self-righteousness and insecurity. Those two things may seem an odd combination, but in my experience they are always together. Self-righteousness requires a belief in my own goodness which I know to be false. Consequently, I must fight to out perform myself. A fight that I know I cannot win. But, and praise be to the Lord that in Him there is always a "But", this is not a fight I have to engage. This is a fight where the only appropriate response is the white flag of surrender. Freedom here comes from acknowledgment of my sin and surrender to the only one who can defeat it. And He has defeated it. His victory stands even in the moments when my conviction fails. Even in the moments when my heart looses its footing and finds itself between feeling entitled and feeling ugly, unable, and unwanted. His victory reigns over me now and forever more!

The Lord is good! A stronghold in the day of trouble;

He knows those who take refuge in him.

Nahum 1:7